Moving On… Final Post here at Successful Christian Remarriage

This will mark our final post here at Successful Christian Remarriage.

Our marriage is stronger than ever. We will continue to offer our prayers and advice to those who want their remarriages to grow. We feel that God is leading us in other directions, so we will be migrating the posts on this blog to another website. This blog will be shut down in the upcoming months of 2016.

The advice that you have come to expect from this blog will become available on Loraine’s author website at www.lorainenunley.com

“I Do… Over? A Christian’s Guide to Remarriage” will continue to be available for purchase on Amazon.com.

Thank you to all of our readers. It has been an honor to share our journey with you. We pray that God will continue to bless your remarriages every day.

Moving On... Final Post at www.successfulchristianremarriage.com

Stay Tuned… Prayer Series

We are excited to be ushering in the upcoming months with a new series on prayer. We will be looking at different ways that you can pray for your spouse and for your marriage. What type of things can you pray for specifically that will benefit your marriage? God wants us to come to him with our requests and he is looking for us to have a conversation with him in our prayers.

Are there any questions that you have concerning prayer? Do you have any topics of prayer that you would definitely like to see us address? Please tell us by leaving a comment on this blog post or by contacting us via email at: admin@successfulchristianremarriage.com

We are also adding a new page to our blog – Prayer requests. If you have a prayer request, you may leave it on that page. Please also visit this page if you are a prayer warrior and would like to hold our brothers and sisters in Christ up in your prayers.

Care to schedule an appointment?

Care to schedule an appointment?

We are busy people. With the advancements in technology and instant access to the world, we can become busy to the point of over extending ourselves.

It is so easy.

Sometimes it is too easy.

Sometimes we lose sight of important things because we become immersed in so many little time-consuming details.

What suffers the most?

Those things that don’t demand our attention.

Those things that don’t get up and scream for us to give them our time.

Some of it is the mindless stuff. The stuff that doesn’t require us to think that much but suddenly steals hours away from us. Do you have things that do that to you? Those things that you were only going to give a moment of your time to and now it is an hour or two later?

Some of it is the stuff that completely takes over your mind. Maybe time is flying by because you were so consumed with your tasks that you weren’t watching the clock.

Many times our marriage is the thing that suffers because it doesn’t yell to be noticed. Maybe we are both too busy. Maybe one is nagging and the other is ignoring the nagging. Maybe we have just become complacent.

Ahh, complacency. The slow death of marriage.

What do we do to fix it?

Make an appointment. Give your marriage its very own slot in your day. Write it down. In ink. Or permanent marker.

Anything else that wants to take your time during that appointment will need to wait. Put away your technology. The phone calls can wait. The texting can wait. Facebook can wait. Your friends can wait. Yes, even your kids can wait. You are making the appointment so you can make it when other things can wait.

How long should the appointment be?

As long as you want. Can’t get more than five minutes? Fine. Maybe you can schedule a few five minute appointments. Or maybe you need to work your way up from five minutes. Take what you can.

What should you do at your appointment?

Talk. Pray. Worship. Eat. Walk. Exercise. Don’t watch TV and consider that your appointment. Be creative. Have a staring contest if you want to. Give each other a massage. Break the record for the world’s longest kiss. Head off to the bedroom and … well you know… Do we need to spell that out for you?

How are you going to schedule time for your marriage today?

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Enjoy Little Moments

We live in Texas which, for the past few years, has been in a state of drought. This year, God sent the rain. While we did not have some of the flooding that other people experienced, we did have to keep an eye on our property in case we did get the flooding. We also had to be alert to changes in the weather that might bring tornadoes. One rainy evening, in the course of this awareness, we found ourselves standing on our patio watching the lightning display. The heavy rains were creating a moat around our house. It was stressful – worrying about the weather, our home, and our family. We were tired from the workday. But in the midst of that storm, we stood with our arms around each other, enjoying the moment. We weren’t talking, we were just enjoying being together.

How often do we take the time to enjoy the little moments with our spouse?

Here are some suggestions for enjoying those moments – Take a moment to…

  • Enjoy a few sips of coffee (or even a whole cup) in the morning before you leave each other.
  • Sit in the car together chatting before you rush into the house or wherever you are headed.
  • Watch the sunset from outside or inside.
  • Take a mental picture of your spouse that you can carry with you throughout your day.
  • Read something to each other before you get ready for bed.
  • Talk to your spouse during the day about the little things.
  • Pray together.
  • Watch your children play.
  • Interact with your children together.
  • Breathe in the air that God has given you for the day.
  • See how good your spouse smells.
  • Give a good kiss to each other.
  • Laugh about something good.
  • Say “I Love You”.

Take a moment to enjoy each other as often as you can during your day.

ABC’s of a Successful Christian Remarriage

We’ve reached the end of our ABC’s for a Successful Christian Remarriage series.  We hope that you were able to get some tips to help you make your marriages more successful.  If you subscribe to our newsletter, we will send you the free report which gives you a short list of the ABC’s.

If you have just started visiting our blog or have missed any of the series, you can click on either the category or tag listed next to this post for “ABC’s of Remarriage”.

If you enjoyed this series, please let us know.  We are considering another round of ABC’s for the upcoming year.

It is such a pleasure for us to interact with our readers.  We welcome your comments and emails.  We hold all of you in our prayers as God helps us grow in our relationship with each other and with Him.

Let’s keep growing our marriages together!

“Z” Is For Zzzzzzz

Be alert. Don’t fall asleep at the wheel!

One thing that we have learned from our remarriage, and stories from many others, is that we have enemies. We have people around us that actually want us to fail. Whether it’s our “step” children, ex-spouses, well meaning friends, other Christians, or sometimes even those closest to us, remarriages tend to have at least one person, if not many, that are rooting for our failure. It can be extremely disheartening and discouraging to discover that people who should be rooting for your success can actually be angry and upset by it. Those same people, whether they have good intentions or bad ones, can be very damaging to your remarriage. Especially those people who are closest to you.

Your marriage is the most important relationship outside of the one you have with God. It has to be protected. Unfortunately, there may be times when you have to protect it from unexpected attacks. There may be times when you are taken completely off guard. Remember that failure is not an option. You and your spouse are a team and you need to stick together. Do not let anything come between you. Don’t fall asleep at the wheel. Be diligent. Put God where He belongs – at the center of your marriage – and let Him handle the rest. We make that sound simple, but we know that it is not. It can be hard work and sometimes can seem like an impossible task, but it can be done. We are witness to that. No matter how many people we have against us, we always have the peace of having each other to support us and the knowledge that God has everything under control. Every small victory we have strengthens our relationship and we take heart that even Jesus experienced people close to him rooting for his failure.

Don’t fall asleep at the task of protecting your marriage.

“Y” Is For You

Here’s a riddle for you: What do you have in limited resource but can give a lot of? What doesn’t cost anything, but can cost dearly?

The answer is TIME.

Celebration of birthdays is a big thing in our household and one of the more memorable ones was one where Time was the theme. Each member of our family spent individual time with the birthday person. The activities included things like having a meal together, playing miniature golf, ice skating, going to the movies and other things. It was a busy time, but it left our birthday person feeling pretty special. This got us to thinking about time and how we use it. We are each granted only so much time. There are only 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week and 12 months in a year. Not only is our time limited in its counting but also limited by the amount of time we spend here on earth as God deems it. Ecclesiastes tells us that there are times for everything – a season for every activity. The Bible also tells us that we do not know the amount of time that God will give us here on earth. So time is an important commodity. This begs the question – How are we choosing to use our time? The best way that we can spend our time is by giving it to others. If you want your treasures to be built up in heaven, then giving your time to God will need to be a priority. If you want to build up your marriage, then giving time to your spouse will be the priority. Even spending time on yourself can be giving your time to others. The stressed out husband or frustrated wife can benefit their families by taking time to themselves to relax, de-stress and recharge their batteries.

How will you choose to spend your time today?

“X” Is For The “eX”

“My old flame… I can’t even think of her name… But it’s funny, now and then, how my thoughts keep coming back again to my old flame…”

As we’ve always said, a remarriage is complicated by the fact that there is always baggage. The biggest bag is the ex word. No matter what kind of relationship you have with the ex – good, bad or indifferent – that baggage can cause unexpected and even expected issues with your marriage. You have to be careful with how you deal with it. Sometimes the littlest things can cause problems. Talking too much about or dealing too much with an ex, in any fashion, can cause some nasty emotions to crop up between you. Anger and jealousy are two of the biggest and worst ones. They can start off small and insignificant, but if not taken care of properly, they can grow into monsters that will destroy you and your marriage.

So how do you handle the ex word?

  • Always conduct yourself as an adult and a well spoken Christian when you are dealing with your ex.
  • When it comes to talking about your ex, make sure that you limit yourself to things that need to be said and don’t dwell on the ex. In fact, if you are afraid that the ex is taking a front seat role in your remarriage, you can diffuse that by making the conscious effort to put your spouse back in that number one position.

Focusing on what you and your spouse have, and focusing on all that God wants you to be, will help you in keeping the ex where they need to be – in the past (or far into the background). Granted, those of us with children from former marriages face a harder battle with this, but with diligence, you and your spouse can win that battle.

“W” Is For Worship

You will find that many of the things that you should be doing personally in your relationship with God, you should also be doing as a couple. Worship is one of those things. Why? Because the heart of worship is placing God at the very center of things and that is something which you need to do both personally and as a couple.

The dictionary defines worship in the verb form as “extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem”. God created us with the need to worship. Preferably Him, but given that we have free will, we often choose to worship other things or other people. The Bible has numerous examples of people choosing to worship the wrong things. In fact, He considers it so important, that one of the Ten Commandments addresses it:

“You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.” Exodus 20:3-6.

So God considers worship important. And since our worship involves admiration or devotion, we not only are in obedience to God when we do it, but we strengthen our feelings for Him when we do. You will find that when you are worshiping God with a group of believers your feelings of adoration and love for God can become heightened. If you do not worship as a couple then we ask you to imagine what happens to those same feelings when you are worshiping with your spouse, the person that God gave you great love for. It stands to reason that if your feelings are heightened when you are with people that you do not have personal feelings for, then the feelings invoked worshiping with someone you love should be heightened even more so. And we are here to say that it is true. It is hard to explain those feelings that rise up inside you when you hear your spouse pouring out their adoration for our God. You really have to experience it to know the value.

We urge you, if you are not worshiping God with your spouse, then what are you waiting for? It will strengthen your relationship with each other and with God.

“V” Is For Victory

How important is victory? Well, that really depends on who you talk to. There are some who feel that being victorious is everything – why play the game otherwise? Then there are others who feel that it isn’t about who wins or loses but how you play the game. And there are others who just want to play the game even if they are never victorious. Victory itself is not as important as what kind of attitude you have in attaining it. After all, there are those who are sore winners and that kind of attitude makes it difficult to get along with others. On the other hand, you can be victorious even if you lose every game. It all depends on your attitude.

How does having a victorious attitude apply to your marriage? We should look at what makes a victorious attitude in the first place.

  • A winner is confident because they believe that by playing well and fairly, they earn the right to win.
  • A winner is humble because there is always someone out there who is better than they are.
  • A winner is concerned with doing their personal best – not with whether everyone else is doing theirs.
  • A winner in a team environment makes the whole team look good, not just themselves.
  • A winner can lose graciously if they have played their personal best because they know they played well.

Confidence, humbleness, aiming to achieve, team player, gracious loser – these attitudes make you victorious when you apply them to your marriage. You and your spouse are the team. Being a team player, where you build up your spouse, makes you both look good. You should aim to achieve greatness in your marriage and be confident that with God’s assistance and your personal best, you will do just that. If you are doing well, be humble and give God the glory for it because pride can go before the fall. And when the falls happen, and they will, be sure that you are a gracious loser because there is nothing more important than your marriage. When the falls happen, you need to be there for each other to pick each other up.

Choose today to be victorious in your marriage.