Moving On… Final Post here at Successful Christian Remarriage

This will mark our final post here at Successful Christian Remarriage.

Our marriage is stronger than ever. We will continue to offer our prayers and advice to those who want their remarriages to grow. We feel that God is leading us in other directions, so we will be migrating the posts on this blog to another website. This blog will be shut down in the upcoming months of 2016.

The advice that you have come to expect from this blog will become available on Loraine’s author website at www.lorainenunley.com

“I Do… Over? A Christian’s Guide to Remarriage” will continue to be available for purchase on Amazon.com.

Thank you to all of our readers. It has been an honor to share our journey with you. We pray that God will continue to bless your remarriages every day.

Moving On... Final Post at www.successfulchristianremarriage.com

ABC’s of a Successful Christian Remarriage

We’ve reached the end of our ABC’s for a Successful Christian Remarriage series.  We hope that you were able to get some tips to help you make your marriages more successful.  If you subscribe to our newsletter, we will send you the free report which gives you a short list of the ABC’s.

If you have just started visiting our blog or have missed any of the series, you can click on either the category or tag listed next to this post for “ABC’s of Remarriage”.

If you enjoyed this series, please let us know.  We are considering another round of ABC’s for the upcoming year.

It is such a pleasure for us to interact with our readers.  We welcome your comments and emails.  We hold all of you in our prayers as God helps us grow in our relationship with each other and with Him.

Let’s keep growing our marriages together!

“X” Is For The “eX”

“My old flame… I can’t even think of her name… But it’s funny, now and then, how my thoughts keep coming back again to my old flame…”

As we’ve always said, a remarriage is complicated by the fact that there is always baggage. The biggest bag is the ex word. No matter what kind of relationship you have with the ex – good, bad or indifferent – that baggage can cause unexpected and even expected issues with your marriage. You have to be careful with how you deal with it. Sometimes the littlest things can cause problems. Talking too much about or dealing too much with an ex, in any fashion, can cause some nasty emotions to crop up between you. Anger and jealousy are two of the biggest and worst ones. They can start off small and insignificant, but if not taken care of properly, they can grow into monsters that will destroy you and your marriage.

So how do you handle the ex word?

  • Always conduct yourself as an adult and a well spoken Christian when you are dealing with your ex.
  • When it comes to talking about your ex, make sure that you limit yourself to things that need to be said and don’t dwell on the ex. In fact, if you are afraid that the ex is taking a front seat role in your remarriage, you can diffuse that by making the conscious effort to put your spouse back in that number one position.

Focusing on what you and your spouse have, and focusing on all that God wants you to be, will help you in keeping the ex where they need to be – in the past (or far into the background). Granted, those of us with children from former marriages face a harder battle with this, but with diligence, you and your spouse can win that battle.

“V” Is For Victory

How important is victory? Well, that really depends on who you talk to. There are some who feel that being victorious is everything – why play the game otherwise? Then there are others who feel that it isn’t about who wins or loses but how you play the game. And there are others who just want to play the game even if they are never victorious. Victory itself is not as important as what kind of attitude you have in attaining it. After all, there are those who are sore winners and that kind of attitude makes it difficult to get along with others. On the other hand, you can be victorious even if you lose every game. It all depends on your attitude.

How does having a victorious attitude apply to your marriage? We should look at what makes a victorious attitude in the first place.

  • A winner is confident because they believe that by playing well and fairly, they earn the right to win.
  • A winner is humble because there is always someone out there who is better than they are.
  • A winner is concerned with doing their personal best – not with whether everyone else is doing theirs.
  • A winner in a team environment makes the whole team look good, not just themselves.
  • A winner can lose graciously if they have played their personal best because they know they played well.

Confidence, humbleness, aiming to achieve, team player, gracious loser – these attitudes make you victorious when you apply them to your marriage. You and your spouse are the team. Being a team player, where you build up your spouse, makes you both look good. You should aim to achieve greatness in your marriage and be confident that with God’s assistance and your personal best, you will do just that. If you are doing well, be humble and give God the glory for it because pride can go before the fall. And when the falls happen, and they will, be sure that you are a gracious loser because there is nothing more important than your marriage. When the falls happen, you need to be there for each other to pick each other up.

Choose today to be victorious in your marriage.

Who’s Your BFF? (Best Friend Forever)

Let’s start by excluding God from that question. It goes without saying that God should be your best friend. If He is not, you have more important things to work on :o).

If you answered that question with a resounding “MY SPOUSE”, congratulations! You get it! Your best friend is the person who is with you through thick and thin, mountains and valleys, joy and suffering. This is the person who you share most of yourself with. The person with whom you can be at your most vulnerable. Until you get married, that person can be one or a few other people. Once you have committed to your spouse, however, he or she must fill that role. Otherwise, you are setting yourself (and your marriage) up for failure. Your marriage is the most important relationship that you have outside of the one you have with God. As such, no other relationship can come before it. If you are sharing your innermost self with someone other than your spouse, that relationship is coming between you and your spouse. But my girlfriends understand me so much better than my husband, you say? My buddies get me in a way that my wife doesn’t, you say? We say that this is part of the work involved in being married. If you both work at being each other’s best friend, you will find that you will not only “get/understand” each other, but that the intimacy backing it up makes that relationship infinitely stronger than any other. When your spouse is your BFF, they will surpass what you thought you had with anyone else. We speak from experience here. If you and your spouse aren’t best friends, start changing that now. We promise you that God will reward it.

Carrying on the Tradition

Coming upon the holiday season, we are preparing to celebrate with family and friends. This is the time of year when many traditions are observed. It is important to have traditions, especially a remarriage and blended family. There are so many obstacles in a remarriage because of the baggage that exists from the previous marriage. One way to overcome those obstacles is to establish traditions that draw your new family together. If you must carry over traditions from your former marriage, perhaps because you have children from that marriage, you must find ways to include your spouse in them. The good thing about traditions is that they can be tweaked and changed to accommodate change in your relationships. Over the upcoming weeks, we will highlight some of the traditions that we have in our family, we encourage you to create your own traditions.

Lost Your Passion? Did You Check The Laundry Basket?

You are rushing around getting ready for the day. Where did that shirt go? You know, the one that you laid on top of the laundry basket so that it would be where you need it to be in the morning. You wore it once already this week so you didn’t want to hang it up, but at the same time, you only wore it once so it didn’t need to go into the laundry. You yell to your spouse to see if they knew where the shirt went because you are sure that you put it on top of the laundry basket. The response? “Did you check in the laundry basket?” You shake your head. Why would you check in the basket when it was supposed to be on the basket? Someone must have put your shirt in the basket because it was assumed that since it wasn’t in use and it was near the basket, it should have been put in it. Frustrating? Possibly. But it is indicative of what we do with those things that we have used and leave out with the intention of using them again soon. Passion is one of those things. We do not have passion for each other, use it and then put it away with the intention of never using it again. If we enjoy our marriages, we have every intention of using it again and again and again! ;o) But there are times when we find that life has gotten in the way and has put passion away because it hasn’t been used in awhile. Why leave things laying around unused? The first step to correcting this problem is to be aware that you have put passion aside for too long. Whether it was intentional or not is beside the point. Next, go check in the laundry basket (or any place else you may have left it). Take it out. Dust it off. And use it!

When God’s Eyes Meet Ours

When Jesus talked about His Crucifixion, Peter was quick to speak and tell Jesus that he would stand tall for Jesus. Jesus informs Peter that not only will Peter not speak up for Jesus, but he would deny Him, not once, but three times.

Then they seized him and led him away, bringing him into the high priest’s house, and Peter was following at a distance. And when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat down among them. Then a servant girl, seeing him as he sat in the light and looking closely at him, said, “This man also was with him.” But he denied it, saying, “Woman, I do not know him.” And a little later someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.” But Peter said, “Man, I am not.” And after an interval of about an hour still another insisted, saying, “Certainly this man also was with him, for he too is a Galilean.” But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about.” And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. – Luke 22: 54-62 (ESV) (emphasis added)

We have all disappointed God at one point or another. We are human. We make mistakes. We sin. Only God is perfect. Now, we know that Peter was heartbroken over his denial of Jesus because he “wept bitterly.” But how much more so was his heart broken when he had to look directly into the Lord’s eyes to see his betrayal. “And the Lord turned and looked at Peter.” It is one thing to know that we have disappointed someone, but it is even harder to look into the eyes of the person we have disappointed and see that acknowledgement. We do not know how Jesus looked at Peter, but from what we know of Jesus’ character, it was probably a mixture of disappointment, compassion and love. Still, it would not have bothered Peter any less.

So what do we do when we have disappointed God? When God’s eyes meet our own? When we see the disappointment mixed with His infinite love and compassion?

First, we do not run and hide from it, we acknowledge it. We acknowledge to God that we know we disappointed Him.

Second, we humble ourselves and bow before our loving and powerful Heavenly Father. No room for attitudes here.

Third, we ask for God’s forgiveness. We let Him know how truly sorry we are for our sin.

And finally, we come into God’s open arms and accept His mercy and forgiveness. This is one of the most wonderfully unique parts of our God – His unending mercy and grace.

Do You Love Me? (Emphasis Added)

In reading the biblical passage when Jesus asks Simon Peter three times, “Do you love me?” (John 21:15-19), it brought to mind this question: where was the emphasis on the sentence? Did Jesus emphasize the same word for all three times, or were there different meanings each time He asked the question? How would you answer that question from your spouse depending on the emphasis?

Do you love me? Of course your spouse is loved by others. First and foremost, God has always loved your spouse, even before you came along. And then there may be parents, kids, other family members and friends who love your spouse. But does your spouse really feel that you love them?

Do you love me? Of course you love your spouse. You got married didn’t you? But sometimes we mistake our emotions for true love. Sure, we feel love, we fall in love, but deep long lasting love requires more than the emotions. It requires work and sacrifice. The emotions are what bring you together and they are the icing on the cake, but you must develop the deeper part or there is no cake under the icing. Does your spouse know that you really love them?

Do you love me? Of course you love your spouse. If you didn’t, you would have pledged your devotion to another. But one of things that is a BIG issue with remarriage, is that we bring along baggage, this includes the EX. Remarriages have to deal with the fact that there was another person. In order to survive and thrive, there can be no question that what you feel for your spouse, you do not feel for anyone else. You must make sure that your spouse is without any doubt that you love them.